Saffron Burrows told Craig Ferguson that she was traveling in Spain when she was contacted about joining the cast of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Thanks to the USA PATRIOT Act, I have a transcript of her telephone call with Dick Wolf:
Wolf: There are important traits for a woman on one of my shows. A couple questions?
Burrows: Ask away!
Wolf: Are you a good actress?
Burrows: Yeah, I’m pretty good.
Wolf: All we ask! Are you a brunette?
Burrows: Yes.
Wolf: Perfect! Can you play a bitch?
Burrows: Yes!
Wolf: Skinny?
Burrows: Oh, yes!
Wolf: Are you hot?
Burrows: Hell, yes!
Wolf: This is great! Can you drop your voice by an octave and kind of growl a sentence at me?
Burrows: [voice change:] A sentence like this?
Wolf: Sexy! Can you over-enunciate your “R” phonemes?
Burrows: No.
Wolf: What?
Burrows: No, I’m English. We don’t have hard “R” sounds.
Wolf: [wilted:] Oh…
Burrows: Have I mentioned, though, that I’m quite skinny and waaaay hot?
Wolf: Oh, OK! Well, you’re in! When can you get to New York?
Burrows: New Yuhk? Thuhsday.
Wolf: How hot did you say you were, again?
Burrows: Willy fucking hot.
Wolf: OK, see you then!
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Not to imply that Dick Wolf has “a type” or anything. And: isn’t it nice of USA Networks to sponsor a bill that can so help bloggers such as me? Because surely they’re to blame.
Also, I’ve had extensive debates about whether family names ending in ‘s’ should receive an ‘s’ after the apostrophe. I know you can’t see me, but I’m flashing the Chicago Manual of Style gang sign, bitches!