Stephen King Fan Fiction
I’m trying to get this published:
A hellish blight destroys the land. A dude from Maine recovering from drug addiction, his much younger psychic paramour, a retarded guy, and a preternaturally wise (but overly-sexualized) 11-year-old boy — all of whom smoke like chimneys — go on a road trip to combat it.
Along the way they discover a roving band of cannibals, identifiable because they have filed teeth. The cannibals attack them with vicious homophobic slurs that are OK because obviously Stephen King does not agree with them. The wise boy knows it’s no good, but the retarded guy battles valiantly, killing all but the biggest cannibal, dying in the process.
The ghost of some woman the dude from Maine read a lot about appears. So does the ghost of his ex-wife. They begin to battle. In the process they wound the big cannibal.
The cannibal’s guts rupture, and out pour a bucketful of lobsters. The lobsters fall upon the dude from Maine, severing some body parts. His paramour screams. Then the lobsters all burst open and broods of spiders pour out.
But the wise 11-year-old has been pondering, and his cherished book, which contains Edgar Allen Poe in-jokes, holds the secret to defeat the evil ghost. The trick is for the good ghost and the boy to drown her. She drowns graphically.
The world, in the meantime, has largely recovered, most of the evildoers having died. The dude from Maine and his younger love get married and go to start a family. The boy, who has formed a weird father relationship with the Maine dude, stays anyway to think about his fate, evoking one last goodbye from the good ghost, who fades with a whisper.
(So, what did I forget? The rule is that every trope has to have occurred at least twice in the canon.)
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3 Responses to “Stephen King Fan Fiction”
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March 19th, 2010 at 08h56
Have you seen The Collected Work of Stephen King (Ultra-Condensed Version)?
Other things that should be included:
– At least one of the characters should be a writer.
– Needs an overprotective/abusive mother.
December 24th, 2010 at 23h02
Hmmmm…a fairly good attempt. But honestly, it doesn’t all sound very Stephen King-y to me.
I’m wracking my brain to figure out where some of the stuff you came up with shows up more than once in King Canon, too. Which books mention a significantly younger psychic paramour? Are you sure that’s not taken from the films? Because that casting is definitely Hollywood and not King. Out off all his books that I’ve read (which I’m short of by about 5) I can’t say I’ve come across a pairing like that–from what I’ve read the characters are either married or in love with someone close to their own age. I don’t think that represents his fiction very well.
No, your story needs a group of misfits battling evil together–definitely someone needs to be a writer and you can keep the 11 year old. But you’re missing a gnarly old dude that doesn’t give a shit, and a self righteous bitch (or bastard) that gets themselves killed out of stubborn ignorance.
Add to that a sibling that’s been killed somehow in the past, a beloved pet or object (bike?), a porthole to another dimension (very important), and THEN we’ll be in business.
December 24th, 2010 at 23h21
Thanks @Jessica!
Which books mention a significantly younger psychic paramour? Are you sure that’s not taken from the films?
No, everything was from the books. But in several places I was combining (or trying to combine) tropes: “psychic” and “significantly younger paramour”; “recovering drug addict” and “guy from Maine”; that sort of thing. But as far as love interests who are significantly younger, Salem’s Lot, The Stand, and Bag of Bones all have main characters with much younger romantic partners, if I recall correctly. And … others I can’t think of right now, including from a lot of his short fiction. I think. You’ll not I’m claiming that without evidence.
But you’re missing a gnarly old dude that doesn’t give a shit, and a self righteous bitch (or bastard) that gets themselves killed out of stubborn ignorance. Add to that a sibling that’s been killed somehow in the past, a beloved pet or object (bike?), a porthole to another dimension (very important), and THEN we’ll be in business.
You’re good. “In business” indeed; I hope you’ll let me buy some shares before it goes public.