… but always Shinola
From Stephen King’s novel Bag of Bones:
There’s something oddly comforting about talking to a legal guy once the “billable hours” clock has started running. You have passed the magical point at which “a lawyer” becomes “your lawyer”. “Your lawyer” is warm. “Your lawyer” is sympathetic. “Your lawyer” makes notes on a yellow pad and nods in all the right places. Most of the questions “your lawyer” asks are questions you can answer. And if you can’t, “your lawyer” will find a way to help you do so, by God! “Your lawyer” is always on your side. Your enemies are his enemies. To him you are never shit but always Shinola.
This sort of seduction is probably why otherwise kind people can sit back and watch a $1200-suited bully with filed teeth tear someone else apart, and then defend the shark by saying “He came very highly recommended!” Actually, the latter is probably a different character trait. But you know who else is good at this kind of seduction? Whores. The only difference between divorce attorneys and whores appears to be that most of the latter would blush at the rates the former charge for their services.
(Yes, it’s all over [the divorce] and I’m still bitter about that fucking piece of shit asshole. That passage from Bag of Bones brought it all back. Carry on.)
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3 Responses to “… but always Shinola”
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February 19th, 2010 at 15h19
For more levity, Craig Ferguson, as mentioned before:
February 19th, 2010 at 16h46
My disdain for lawyers comes mostly from the way in which they uphold a system of laws that allow two parties to settle a dispute without resorting to physical violence. This has been a major hurdle for my career as a Wild West gunfighter.
February 19th, 2010 at 16h59
Except, that is, in certain legal disputes when the government wins. Then they are, after victory, authorized to resort to mortal violence such as asphyxiation, poisoning, and electrocution against the accused, who has been stripped of any means to physically defend himself. (Unarmed! Eat that, Wild West! “Awake, facing me, and armed” is such a fucking hassle. “Escorted by armed guards, tied to a table, and incapacitated with a paralytic”? Way more convenient!)
To be fair, though, when both prosecution and defense are paid by the government, the defense side doesn’t try very hard — that’s surely a point in their favor, right? The conflict is minimized that way.