Love means never having to say you’re schizophrenic
Being interviewed by a social worker today, because I’m applying for disability benefits, I was asked to “define love”.
“Huh,” I said. “I left my Keats at home.” No reaction. I thought for about thirty seconds, and then said, “A relationship in which one cares about another’s well-being more than one’s own.”
Then she asked me to “define peace”. I reflected for another half minute and settled on “A shared conviction that differences can be settled without resort to violence or cruelty.”
After a few more moments I said “I’m not sure those are very good definitions.” But she seemed pleased.
Later I realized I probably wasn’t being tested on eloquence or insight, but rather being screened for answers such as “Them’s when I cut their eyes out so they don’t look at me so funny.”
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7 Responses to “Love means never having to say you’re schizophrenic”
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February 19th, 2010 at 08h58
All things considered, the questions could have been a lot worse.
You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
February 19th, 2010 at 10h04
A tortoise? What’s that? (Gods I love that movie.)
February 19th, 2010 at 10h49
Item 1: I have always liked that definition of love, which I first heard as a child on Charles in Charge.
Item 2: I was also recently interviewed by a social worker, but for a reason I am not comfortable writing even ironically in a public forum….
February 19th, 2010 at 11h43
I have always liked that definition of love
Wow, really? Huh. I thought I had made it up on the spot. Maybe I did generate it independently. Maybe I didn’t.
but for a reason I am not comfortable writing
So it does have to do with the “arrested for eating a baby” thing after all!
February 19th, 2010 at 11h45
(And I actually thought you were Bob Mike when I wrote that. Sorry. Very Bob-Mike-and-me humor.)
February 19th, 2010 at 12h26
“Them’s when I cut their eyes out so they don’t look at me so funny.”
You got a good hearty laugh out of me. Thank you!
February 19th, 2010 at 14h14
So it does have to do with the “arrested for eating a baby” thing after all!… And I actually thought you were Bob Mike when I wrote that.
This joke actually works much better with people who have met me in real life. People who only know me from the internet don’t always pick up on the clues and realize that I’m Jonathan Swift reincarnated as a dingo.