I am … still ….
I don’t really know how to express my emotions about Pearl Jam’s Backspacer. Everything I try to come out with sounds like lolspeak. The album is sublime. For years all the fans have felt that they had a Led Zeppelin IV in them, and we were holding out for it. Turns out, they had an album of “John Lennon with The Who” in them. And, it turns out, that’s better.
Backspacer is brave but vulnerable; hopeful but humble; honest but never strident; drenched in rain but wanting to sing anyway … or maybe because. Emerson wrote:
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.
But Emerson was a jerk, and Ed isn’t. I quote this not because Ed is speaking what I have thought and felt; no, I have so much to learn from him that I’m ever catching up. But rather, Ed puts himself on the line, singing, without affectation, what is in his heart, even if he has not heard it before in the voices of geniuses. He would be the first to disclaim his own genius, to disclaim wisdom. He would likely say, as he does twice on this album, that he’s just another human being. All he’s doing is speaking the truth as he currently understands it. But maybe — but probably — that’s what wisdom and genius are.
“All that’s sacred,” he said fifteen years ago, “comes from youth.” But this is an adult’s album. Not an album for adults, though I am sure it will be. No, rather the album of an adult. Indeed, if we are fortunate, it will also be an album for some youths. Maybe they will be able to learn that while it is important for their elders to understand their angst, that maybe they can trust some of their elders’ accumulated wisdom. “I still remember,” he said those 15 years ago. And I’m sure he still does. But his vantage point has changed. I hope that his listeners’ will be changed also. But that’s really outside the scope of what I want control over. What I want is for mine to change.
Why deny this drive inside?
Just looking for some peace
Thank you, Ed. Thank you for having the courage not to deny it. And keep looking. I’ll keep listening.
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OK. I read this post shortly after you wrote it, but I had nothing to add at the time. I got it on Sunday night and didn’t have a chance to listen to it then.
First listen was Monday at work. Bad, bad idea (for Monday is always the busiest day of the week. And it just fucking drags). To be honest, my opinion on it, based on that first (rushed) listen was that the album felt, well, rushed.
I honestly wanted to cry. I felt horrible that this album by this band, who can do no wrong in my eyes, was not affecting me in any way whatsoever. As plain as that. I hated “Got Some” the first time I heard it on Conan months ago, and that second listen didn’t help. One stand out was “Just Breathe,” but that was probably only because it sounded like it was meant for the Into The Wild soundtrack. Still think it’s beautiful. “The Fixer” took a while to grow on me, so I didn’t really get excited for the album as a whole until probably a week or two ago. Other than that, I don’t think I even paid attention to the rest of the songs. And I just completely gave up on trying to force myself into liking it. At least for a few days.
Cut to this morning, I was just sitting there, with nothing to do today but smile, and so I guess it was time. I listened to it 3 times in a row. Plus another listen during my lunch hour. And on my way home. I think I had a favorite song for each listen. “Got Some,” “Unthought Known,” “The End” are the favorites at the moment, but I still think I need a little more time to really make up my mind about Backspacer.
I think this is really healthy for me, discussing this album. There are only a couple of people I know that actually like Pearl Jam (everyone else just doesn’t “get” them), but I had a falling out with the one person who shared my fanatical love for the band. May Backspacer’s “brave but vulnerable; hopeful but humble; honest but never strident; drenched in rain but wanting to sing anyway” spirit help mend broken friendships (and hearts..).