Even less than meets the eye

So, yeah, I’m watching the Transformers movie.  I pirated it.  I’ve been watching it in slices.

And holy cow is it bad.  Like deeply, horribly, eternally bad.  Really really bad.  After the second scene I said, “Damn, this is Michael Bay, isn’t it?”  He’s one of those directors who leaves his stamp on a film, and not in a good way.

Damn.

Why am I watching?  I dunno.  Has something to do with what Ptolemy called “Explosions & hot chicks & shit.”  I figure if it’s good enough for Ptolemy, it’s good enough for me.  I’m not eager to argue with classical mathematicians.

Man.  I’m watching about ten minutes at a go.  And I start to think to myself, “Oh, to be a fly on the wall of Hasbro!”  Presumably it went something like this:

“Hey, how ’bout cars and trucks and helicopters that turn into robots?  Down in Tech, they’ve just figured out how to do the Rubik’s Cube trick on non-cubic objects.”

“Yes, but we need a way to market it.”

“A cartoon is always good.”

“What, a cartoon about cheap plastic toys that turn into other cheap plastic toys?”

“Yeah.  My idea is something something space cubes something something aliens something something racing stripes something something the end of the world.”

“Oh, that’s quite good, isn’t it?”

“You realize I just said something something repeatedly and didn’t offer any actual ideas, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure no one will notice.  Start the assembly lines!”

And thus it was.  Before any of the stars were born, thus it was.  But hey, they reference eBay in the film.  Must be cool, hot and trendy then.