Niall: Do we have a place in the house where we keep empty bottles?
Joshua: Yes, in the kitchen.
N: Why haven’t you taken these bottles in?
(Note to reader: I drive a luxury car, but I keep it like I live in it. No, scratch that. People who live in their cars have clutter, but it’s probably useful clutter, like clothes. They’re probably good custodians. I keep my car’s interior as if I let a schizophrenic homeless woman live in it. A schizophrenic homeless woman who panhandles for Clamato.)
N: Your car is very messy, Dad.
J: Yeah, I know. I’m not setting a very good example, am I?
N: When we get to Grandma’s house, let’s take all this trash in.
J: No, it would be rude to take all this into Grandma’s house.
N: Why? (Lightbulb:) Sometimes Grandma gets grumpy when you’re rude. (I hope and believe he was doing the American thing of using “you” as the third-person indefinite, not the second-person definite.)
J: Yeah. I’ll clean it out when I get to our house.
(Upon arriving at my in-laws and opening the trunk:)
N: Dad, you have cans in your trunk.
(Did I mention the bag lady also joneses for Monster drinks?)
J: Yes.
N: Your car is very messy!
J: Niall, please stop.
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Have I taken the cans in? No, I have useful things to do like “get high” and “compulsively blog”. I’ll clean it tomorrow when I, you know, clean the kitchen and pick up my papers.