Terry the Tarantula was in too much pain and, as I mentioned before, paralyzed

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is dedicated to the memory of the author who gave us the passage “It was a dark and stormy night.”  The contest, held annually, solicits contributions of bad opening sentences to hypothetical novels.  Here are three of my favorites from the 2001 contest.

The graphic crime-scene photo that stared up at Homicide Inspector Chuck Venturi from the center of his desk was not a pretty picture, though it could have been, Chuck mused, had it only been shot in soft focus with a shutter speed of 1/125 second at f 5.6 or so.

         - Rephah Berg

Virgule gazed across the vast, cold, steel expanse past his inquisitor to
witness the full consequence of his previous decision – feral, withered
children, in tattered, filthy garments, toiled mindlessly at his command in
a single chamber which reeked of oil and burning animal flesh – his time
had come to deliver the final instruction; “Yes! I would like fries with that.”

         - Ed Reffle

Terry the Tarantula and Wendy the Wasp were frolicking and cavorting
together in the Flowery Meadow, (as they were the best of friends in all
the Enchanted Forest of Miggly-Wompsly) when, all of a sudden, and with no
warning whatsoever, Wendy accidentally stabbed Terry with her stinger,
making her very sad for she knew that soon her poison would paralyze her
friend and after a while her eggs would hatch inside him, and then her
happy wriggling larva would slowly eat him alive, but Terry tried to smile
and would have told her not to be sad as this was how the Circle of Life
was continued, but he was in too much pain and, as I mentioned before,
paralyzed.

         - Delano Lopez